What is normal? I am sure it is not today. I want to reassure those of you that are concerned it is JUST one step backwards. I am going to a neighbors house for dinner tonight, so I am showering soon and getting dressed and going out. Going out is still hard, especially alone. Today I did not do the right things. I stayed in bed and watched TV and read all day. With Steve in Pittsburgh I found it very hard to motivate myself even to check email and internet. Call it wallowing in sorrow and grief, or sadness or laziness. I know keeping busy is the key but today I just couldn't do it. Poor Mike is upstairs and has done his usual Saturday thing. Laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping and fun shopping at Target. I think he got a movie because he has been quiet this afternoon too. He has a pizza for dinner so I do not feel too bad about leaving him for awhile tonight. I will just be up the street.
So tonight I will do the right things to move on again. I will shower and brush my teeth. I will get dressed. I will be OK.
But it is not easy, this walk through grief.
2 comments:
Hey Sweet Firend - you can cut yourself some slack - you have been keeping busy and doing so many things - you are entitled to have some time to wallow a little (I don't think you've done much time wallowing yet). I also don't think there is a protocol for grieving - each person has to deal with it as best they can. You are doing very well. I think the world of you and love you dearly. Feel prayers coming your way!
In the old days we would have called staying in bed all day "a day of pampering" and now you are worried that you are wallowing or too sad or just lazy. I would say you are taking good care of Linda and a day in bed must be exactly what you needed. Now we will worry when you write that it is the eighth day in a row that you cannot get out of bed. Even that wouldn't be too bad...bad is when you think you will rest your head between the boxspring and the mattress for the eighth day.
I marvel at your courage getting up to brush your teeth and going down the street for dinner. I am sure your hostess and host were happy to see you and didn't even know to be happy that you had brushed your teeth in their honor!!
Isn't your vacation coming up in two weeks or so? I think the warmer weather will be a great change for you and your spirits.
In my heart always and extra prayers because you think you need them.
ps Glad to see Jools is back...have missed her comments
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