"We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. " ~Kenji Miyazawa
I know many of you are still checking in on my cyber words and I have promised to continue writing. Writing for me is a way to vent my grief and perhaps can serve as a road map for you into grieving. The days have been hard but having friends and family to talk to has helped immensely. The nights on the other hand have been even harder. The physical pain of grief has been what surprises me the most. When exhaustion plus alcohol are the only formula for sleep it begins to take a toll on the body. I have decided to take alcohol out of the formula and replace it with more exhaustion by getting exercise into my days again. I know it is well publicized that exercise is a natural anti-depressant but it will be interesting to see what it does for sleep.
Mike has returned to work and I am sure the routine is good for him. Steve is easing back into his routine this week and when Jessica leaves I too will have to establish a daily routine that will got me out of the house. I feel safe here at home. Going out alone sounds frightening now because my emotions are so raw that I feel the need to be protected. I understand how agoraphobia sets in. I am not worried because I know all of my friends are going to be here with me as I work through this part of grieving. It is just another aspect of grief that I had been unaware of.
2 comments:
Oh my dear friend - how I wish I could be there with you as you walk through this difficult time - "raw" is a great describer. I continue to hold you up in prayer and hope for restful nights. Exercise is always good medicine.
You have my heart!
Very scary times for you. Bob and I talked and I can come up there for a week or longer if you need be to be there as you walk through these days. This is not (and I repeat not)our golf time but just time for you. I want to help carry your saddness. Love to you and give a special hug to your beautiful daughter.
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