A Little Quiet Time

"Lost love is still love..." It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it."
"Life has to end. Love doesn't"

From the "Five People You Meet in Heaven" by Mitch Albon

I am finally having a quiet moment alone and needed to write something, anything.... This quote seems an appropriate place to begin. My whole body aches with pain. My heart hurts. I have not had time to think much yet because there have been details to tend to. Having people around has been wonderful. Sharing stories about good times with John and laughing at things John did. Jessica and I stayed up last night sharing stories well past 3AM. I do not want to shut my eyes because it is then that the reality of never seeing my John again hits me. So I stay awake until I am so tired there is no time between being awake and asleep. Can I stay awake forever? How long can I function on 4 hours of sleep? At this point I don't care. I only want it not to hurt so much.

Today as we were getting pictures together for the funeral home I opened the drawer with John's "stuff" and the first thing I saw was the hospital bracelet I wore when I entered the Toledo hospital on Christmas Day to deliver my baby boy. It brought me to my knees. Tears were not enough. Grief can literally be paralyzing. But it had to be done and so we all started going through the pictures. And the memories of the times captured on the photos felt good. Love never ends.

So many friends and family have been here for us to keep us well fed and hugged. We are truly blessed in this regard. It is difficult, there is no question about that, but it would be impossible without you. Thank you doesn't begin to say how much we appreciate your support.