"It may seem bad, but you'll come out of it. I'm not taking your grief lightly; it's just that I've seen enough of life to know that you'll come out of it." The words you've said yourself...And you do come out of it, that's true. After a year, after five. But you don't come out of it like a train coming out of a tunnel, bursting through the Downs into the sunshine and that swift, rattling descent to the Channel; you come out of it as a gull comes out of an oil slick. You are tarred and feathered for life."
Julian Barnes from Flaubert's Parrot
I read this passage some time ago in another bloggers description of grief. It is so true. The days are getting better. The most common things must still get done. We eat, we wash clothes, we take care of business. Sometimes it is an effort just to get out of bed , but we do it because that is what must be done. It is the road to living again just to do the common things. It does mean we miss John any less. It is just what must be done to move on.
Our lives are returning to a routine. Mike is doing well in his new job. He has driven himself to work a couple of times but I am still meeting him at 11PM to drive home with him...or at least follow him home. He likes the independence. He has found with two 15 minute breaks and a 1/2 hour lunch break he has time to call people and chat. It seems to be what so many of his co workers do on their last break of the evening around 9PM. This has been a good social move for Mike. He has never been chatty on the phone so it is fun when he calls and asks about our dinner and what we are doing. He has called Jessica in LA and with the time change they are much closer to being on the same schedule.
Steve leaves for Pittisburgh tomorrow and will be there through the weekend. I will miss him. In all probablility he will be working long hours and stay busy. I will try to do the same here. Mike and I will enjoy pizza and a movie on Saturday night and of course Mike will have popcorn too.
As the normal events continue to happen, my washing machine is dying...it doesn't spin and pump the water out very well anymore. So that will be another weekend activity. Buying a new washing machine. Yes life does go on.
2 comments:
Oh Boy a new washing machine!! Linda it sounds like you are making great strides and I can only imagine how difficult it must be but I admire your strength and perseverance. Please never feel alone-your friends and loved ones are always there for you.
I am so glad to hear of Mikes successes with his new job. Feel love and prayers for your whole family-including Jesi and AJ-as you continue down the road. Take care my friend and feel a hug.
Girl friend, haven't I taught you better than that...I am reticent to give you advice but feel that I must tell you to slow down on that new washing machine! If your clothes are getting dirty throw them out and replace them. When you are 100% satisfied with your new wardrobe, then and only then, should you look for a new washing machine. By the way the new models conserve water but do not wash clothes very well.
So happy to hear that Mike's job is going well. Feel free to suggest that he can call your chatty friend Rosemary if he runs out of people to call on his break. It would delightful to speak with someone with a real job. You are an awesome mom to meet him at 11 PM and I marvel at how you can stay awake that long.
Happy to hear that some routine is returning to your life. You are in my heart, with love and great admiration!
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