"Let loose of what you can't control. Serenity will be yours."
I am sure that control has been one of my problems in life. I am a controlling personality. I feel that I am competent enough to control most situations. After Mike was born and I realized that I could not control the fact that he had Down Syndrome I took control of his life with Down Syndrome. With the help of our family Mike was going to be a high functioning successful young man. Control worked. I took on researching melanoma when John was first diagnosed and I learned everything I could. I wanted to be able to control the outcome by knowing the facts. We found all of the best therapies available. John followed every lead we offered. It just wasn't enough. Control didn't win that battle.
And now I am just trying to get control of my life and sometimes not doing a very good job of it. I can't control the past. I can't control the future. I can only control what I am going to do right now. So I am putting on the walking shoes and going for a walk. I am going to try to let loose of that which I can not control, in search of serenity.
Looking at the Labor Day Weekend seems like the end of summer. I have enjoyed summer this year. It has been healing to have sunshine and warmth. To be at the swimming pool with AJ has been a mental lift like no other. Ten days with Jessica went too quickly but generally life has been good. We need to bring those feelings into fall.
3 comments:
From one control freak to another...I love you and I know that you will survive and you will be happy again.
Rosemary
Just letting you know you don't have the corner on "control" - it is something I have been working on giving up for years. I too am working to just focus on the present! Hopefully, we can encourage each other to get better at it. I think you are doing amazingly well for all you have had to deal with over the course of your life. Some people give up when things get tough, you have used tough times to make you stronger and if possible - better!!!
Loving you always!
I am so hoping you have a restful and relaxing weekend. We all probably get along so well because we are all the control freaks in our families. I think we recognize eachother's souls. It is always easy to think "I am in control I can get through this"-and then reality comes and whomps us on our head. I think you are doing extremely well for having such a raw wound. Healing comes slowly and holidays and memories can rip the scab right off and expose the tender parts. hopefully you know you are never alone though. We are all reaching out and holding up a piece of your heart. You probably may never know how many people reach out with positive thoughts and good will. Feel the love...
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