January 2

The holidays are over and I should be looking forward to spending some time with Steve while he is handling a negotiation in Florida. I talked to John today though and he was having a down day. He finished the chemo regimen on Monday and is feeling tired and having a great deal of pain from the back tumor. He has an appointment next week with the gamma knife Doc about the brain tumors and he wants to know what happens if he decides not to have the treatment. Steve and I have decided to go with John next week to the oncologist appointment and try to press her to see if there are any other options we can pursue. If we are nearing the end of the road on treatment options we all need to hear that together to better decide how to proceed. Such hard decisions and yet they are John's decisions. We can only make sure he has all the facts and then support what ever he chooses. It is so hard as a mom to see your child suffer and not be able to fix it. I continue to research on the internet but there just seems to be so little success with melanoma. I guess I am having a down day too. I hope writing it down gets it out of my system. I am spending tomorrow with John as Jesi has a doctor appointment of her own. Send me some strength. I am needing it today and tomorrow. I still will remain optimistic that there is a sustainable remission possible but...