Today I am starting my New Years Resolution over again. As many of us know the usual time is about 3 months of following the new year plan. When my camera broke it was hard to keep taking pictures. But then a new camera came into my life and still I did not resume my daily picture. Today I am taking pictures!
The month of May was a hard one for me. We were travelling and then Memorial Day was significant this year. I didn't blog about it but I should have. I know many of my readers have gained insight into the grieving process through my posts. As the one year anniversary passed things have gotten easier. The good memories come quicker than the memories of John suffering. There are still daily thoughts of John and still tears at times. But I was surprised this year on Memorial Day that I longed for a way to remember John other than in my mind. Seeing the grave sites decorated as I passed the local cemetery made me long for a place I could go and talk to John. I totally understand the desire to be cremated but having a specific place to mourn and remember has value too. We have talked about planting a tree in the yard and I will pursue this now. Next year I will have someplace to visit on memorial day and tell John how much he is missed.
I think the other point I want to make is that once again I was surprised by an out of the blue wave of grief. Last year Memorial Day came and went. I do not think I even recognized the day as anything more than a Holiday. So why this year was it so significant as a day to remember the dead? Perhaps because we are moving on with our lives.
2 comments:
As you know, I planted a tree on #2 fairway. While I do not go out there, sit and talk I do sort of say hello mom everytime I go by. It is nice. I do have a gravesite to go to but it is more than 2 hours away. I understand your need.
I am thinking of you Linda and I send support. It totally makes sense to want a "site" to return to. I love Sue's tree on the fairway-how special that one place where you love to be, that is in the middle of nature-and by the etiquette of the game of golf is quiet and reflective. A tree in your yard would be the same-after all you are on the course. You should have a planting ceremony and share with those who love and support your whole family the joy of being loved. Then hopefully the silence and peace it will bring you can always invoke wonderful memories.
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